I have a pretty strong gag reflex, but my boyfriend likes me to deep
throat him when I perform oral sex. Is there anything we can do?
Positions?! Numbing cream!? Help!!
Many individuals find that their gag reflex really gets in the way during oral sex. Yup, certain positions can definitely help. You need to take the angle of the erection and curve of the penis into account. Basically, try to get it so the penis is angling into your mouth and down the throat. For example, if your partner’s penis doesn’t have a large upwards curve, the best way to go tends to be with you lying on your back, with your head hanging over the edge of the bed and your partner stands in front of your mouth. Many people find that the penis glides down their throat more easily this way. However, this can be a really claustrophobic position to be in, so make sure you’re relaxed and in control (use your hands against his thighs to guide the movement). If your partner’s penis curves upwards quite a bit, then a position where your partner is lying down and you’re on top, facing their feet (basically the 69 position with you on top) might work better. With regards to numbing cream, in no way do I recommend using it. That can cause a lot of damage to your throat. You need to be able to know if something is hurting.
Many people find that they’re actually able to train themselves to desensitize their gag reflex over time. You just have to be really patient with the process and not rush it. One way to do this is to just take your partner in as far as you can and stop right at the edge of where your gag-reflex would kick in. The more you practice, the deeper you’ll find you’re eventually able to go. Some people find it really helps if they’re being stimulated at the same time and on the verge of orgasm themselves. You also have to find a way to relax and not anticipate the ‘gag’. Tensing up tends to increase the likelihood of gagging. Play around with the speed of the movement too. You might find that going a lot slower and just holding his cock in your throat helps you to relax and learn how to breathe through it. And while you may feel silly doing it, many people find it really helpful to hum while deep throating! It’s actually not possible to hum and gag at the same time, so focussing on the humming can prevent your gag reflex from kicking in. Doctors use this trick on patients with bad gag-reflexes when trying to swab their throats. You might want to warn your partner about it before you try it though! Some individuals prefer to try to swallow as they bring the penis deeper inside their mouths, as they find that helps to open the throat up a bit more. Play around with these different techniques/ideas, as well as your positioning, and be really patient with the process. In the meantime, experiment with other general techniques for giving great head. You may find something your partner enjoys even more than deep throating!